I am with you

Its been my practice since the POTS diagnosis to sit with the little child within, and to reassure them “I am with them. I know this is hard. We will get through this together.”


You see, when I was merely 4 years old, my leg was mysteriously paralyzed and I couldn't move for a month. It must have been so disorienting, confusing and lonely. I am well aware of that little child that still lives within me and so when my abilities were drastically reduced, I knew I needed to attend to the little one inside. 

I did not know that a chronic health journey would throw me into a deep season of emotional healing as well but we are people of bodies, minds and heart. Perhaps physical healing is not separate from emotional healing as is separated in my medical system. I am on a journey of integration and yes I want to be made physically well again, I also deeply desire to be made whole. 


I wonder if the more integrated I am with myself the deeper I will be able to sense God’s presence with me too. The most curious thing happened last week. All of my usual breath prayer practices were feeling hallow and empty, it was the first and only day I have felt depressed in this whole 2.5 year journey with chronic illness but I did what I have been doing. Reminding the little one, “I am here with you.” And I heard God so clearly, “I am with you.” It was a deep knowing and sensing God’s presence. And it makes me wonder, how important it is to sit with the disintegrated parts of ourselves but also perhaps does that pave a way for a deeper knowing of God’s presence? 


Would love to hear others thoughts on this. 



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