Loss

 

Loss

Over the last months, there have been losses so I thought it would help to list them, acknowledging them.

Loss of ability (scoot on walker now)
Loss of beloved group home job that brought joy and meaning  

Loss of ability to walk more than 2 minutes

Loss of time and energy in my day with becoming severe Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (3 hours of usable hours in a day)

Loss of ability to do most anything without heart rate going out of range (eating, sitting up, driving, simple exercises, talking are all affected)

Loss of being apart of things I once loved (book group, church small group)

Loss of energy to do anything for more than an hour

In the chronic illness world, I have been introduced to the idea of ambiguous loss. I live with uncertainty, whether some of my ability and energy will come back. Ambiguous loss makes closure hard and its all unknown. What I do know is that loss has been very real over these last months, also living with the unknowns and uncertainty. It really is a wilderness season of waiting and hoping. I have been working on accepting my present situation while also living with hope for more ability and energy in the future. 

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